How To Get Rid Of Toxic People / "Friends"

Toxic people, whether they are friends, colleagues, clients, or family members, can sap your energy and disturb both your personal and professional life.

As a result, they hinder you from reaching your life goals.

Who are the toxic people around you? How to get rid of toxic people in your life?

To get rid of toxic people or friends, first, you must identify who they are.

I often reference a well-known quote from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War," written 2,500 years ago, which discusses the importance of understanding both yourself and your adversary.

Sun Tzu said,

Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will not need to worry about the results of a hundred battles.

Sun Tzu's philosophy emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and fully understanding one's opponents. By studying and understanding, you eliminate concerns about the outcome, as you are well-informed.

I say this because there are people who are not aware of themselves, meaning what motivates them and what affects them. By not being aware, people who can be friends, clients, or family members may step into their boundaries without being aware of them.

Ultimately, individuals who do not invest time in self-study and reflection to understand themselves become exhausted and weary, as toxic people tend to exploit them.

How to get rid of toxic people? Here is the table of contents:

1. Who are your toxic people / friends?

2. How to get rid of toxic people (friends or family members)?

3. Who do toxic people target?

4. Sun Tzu's Art of War Strategy Against Toxic People.

Who are your toxic people / friends?

It is essential to identify those who will or might harm our emotional and mental health.

Some of these toxic people will say...

Oh, come on! Why are you so sensitive about what I say? You are sensitive and petty. Don't be so soft.

Allowing yourself to be emotionally "attacked" and tolerating toxic behavior from toxic individuals is absolutely unacceptable!

This dialog is a classic dialog from toxic people, and they are telling you it is OK. Basically telling you it is OK to eat "shit".

Toxic people can be defined as those who consistently exhibit negative behaviors with the intention to inflict a negative psychological impact on others and to manipulate you to get what they want.

It could be to fulfill their ego, regulate their emotions, or get you to do things they want. That's why they exhibit toxic behavior towards their victims.

Below are some common characteristics that can help you identify toxic individuals in your life:

1. Toxic people who talk and never listen: These individuals dominate conversations, often disregarding the thoughts and feelings of others. They may interrupt frequently or steer discussions back to themselves, leaving little room for genuine dialogue.

2. Toxic people think they are always right: This trait is characterized by an unwavering belief in their own correctness. They rarely entertain differing opinions and often dismiss the perspectives of others, leading to a lack of constructive communication.

3. They behave as if the world is centered around them: Toxic individuals often exhibit a self-centered mindset, where their needs and desires take precedence over those of others. This egocentric behavior can manifest in various ways, including a lack of empathy and an unwillingness to compromise.

4. They are always the victim: Toxic people frequently cast themselves as the perpetual victim in any situation. This tendency can be manipulative, as they may use their victimhood to elicit sympathy or to deflect responsibility for their actions.

5. Talks behind your back (carrying tales): Engaging in gossip or spreading rumors about others is a hallmark of toxic behavior. This not only undermines trust but also creates a toxic environment where individuals feel unsafe and unsupported.

6. Gaslighting: This manipulative tactic involves making someone question their own reality or perceptions. Toxic individuals may use gaslighting to maintain control over others, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

7. They take and don't give: Toxic people often exhibit one-sided relationships, where they consistently take support, energy, and resources from others without ever reciprocating. This imbalance can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion.

8. They drain your energy: Interacting with toxic individuals can leave you feeling emotionally depleted. Their negative energy can be infectious, impacting your mood and overall outlook on life.

How to get rid of toxic people (friends or family members)?

Getting rid of toxic people is not so straightforward.

It depends on your level of relationship with these people, who can be your close friends, family members, or colleagues.

For example, if you work in an office and your colleague is a toxic person, you cannot just avoid speaking to your toxic colleague.

If it is your family member, you cannot just walk out of their life.

Here are several effective strategies you can employ to rid yourself of toxic people in your life:

1. Communicate Less with Them

One of the most straightforward ways to distance yourself from toxic individuals is to reduce the amount of communication you have with them.

This can mean limiting face-to-face interactions, phone calls, or even social media exchanges.

By intentionally decreasing your engagement, you create space for yourself to focus on healthier relationships and your own well-being.

It's important to remember that every moment spent with a toxic person can drain your energy and emotional resources, so prioritizing your mental health is essential.

2. Be Decisive and Firm in Your Opinion, Yet Tactful

When dealing with toxic individuals, it's crucial to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and assertively.

This means standing your ground and being confident in your opinions, but also ensuring that you communicate in a respectful and tactful manner.

This balance can help you maintain your integrity while minimizing potential conflict.

Practicing assertiveness can empower you to articulate your needs without feeling guilty or defensive, which is vital when navigating complex dynamics with toxic people.

3. Put All Your Conversations in Text

Given that toxic individuals often resort to manipulation tactics such as lying or gaslighting, it can be beneficial to shift your conversations to written formats, such as text messages or emails.

This method serves multiple purposes: it provides a record of your communications, which can help you remember what was said accurately, and it also encourages the other party to take responsibility for their words.

When conversations are documented, it becomes harder for toxic individuals to distort the truth or deny their previous statements, thus reducing their ability to manipulate the situation.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is vital when dealing with toxic individuals.

These people often test limits and try to invade personal space as a means of exerting control.

By defining what is acceptable and what is not, you empower yourself to recognize when those boundaries have been crossed. Setting boundaries is an act of self-awareness and self-respect; it communicates to the toxic person that you value your own well-being and will not tolerate behavior that undermines it.

Remember, boundaries are not just about keeping others out; they also help you understand your own needs and limits.

5. Cut Off Communications with Them

Sometimes, after exhausting all other options, the most effective solution is to completely sever ties with toxic individuals.

This drastic measure should be considered a last resort, particularly if previous attempts to manage the relationship have failed.

While cutting off communication can be incredibly challenging—especially if the toxic person has been a significant part of your life—it is often necessary for your mental health.

Be aware that such a decision may provoke retaliation from the toxic individual, such as engaging in a smear campaign.

They may spread falsehoods or attempt to manipulate mutual friends against you. However, prioritizing your well-being and peace of mind is essential, and sometimes this means making tough choices for your own health and happiness.

Who do toxic people target?

Toxic individuals often seek out specific traits in others that make them more susceptible to manipulation and emotional harm.

Understanding these characteristics can help you recognize when you may be at risk of becoming a target for such negative influences.

Even if you are not a target for toxic people, it is good to have an awareness.

There are certain characteristics that attract toxic people, making it essential to identify and understand these traits to protect oneself from potential harm.

1. Too friendly and easy-going.

People who are overly friendly and easy-going tend to have a welcoming demeanor that can be appealing to toxic individuals.

Such individuals may often go out of their way to avoid conflict and maintain harmony, which can make them vulnerable.

Their desire to please others and keep the peace can be exploited by toxic people who may take advantage of their kindness, pushing boundaries and demanding more than is reasonable or fair.

2. Those who are not firm in their opinions.

Individuals who struggle to assert their opinions or stand firm in their beliefs can easily become targets for toxic people.

This lack of assertiveness can stem from a desire to fit in or a fear of rejection, making it easier for toxic individuals to manipulate their thoughts and actions.

When someone is indecisive or overly accommodating, toxic people may see this as an opportunity to impose their views, leading to a detrimental power dynamic.

3. Too helpful.

Being excessively helpful can be a double-edged sword. While it is admirable to assist others, those who are consistently prioritizing the needs of others over their own can attract toxic individuals.

These people may take advantage of the helper's generous nature, expecting them to always be available and willing to sacrifice their own time and energy.

This can lead to burnout and resentment, as the helper may find themselves in a one-sided relationship where their own needs are neglected.

4. Those who lack confidence.

Individuals who exhibit low self-confidence often struggle with self-doubt and may have a diminished sense of self-worth.

Toxic people may gravitate towards these individuals because they can easily manipulate and control them.

A lack of confidence can make it difficult for these individuals to set boundaries or recognize unhealthy behaviors, leaving them vulnerable to emotional abuse and exploitation.

Toxic individuals may prey on their insecurities, further eroding their self-esteem

and sense of agency.

5. Being too honest.

While honesty is generally a valued trait, being excessively transparent can sometimes backfire.

Those who share too much personal information or are overly candid about their feelings and experiences may inadvertently expose themselves to toxic individuals.

These people may use the information shared against them, weaponizing their honesty to create guilt or shame.

In a relationship with a toxic person, this honesty can be manipulated to gain control and maintain power over the individual, leading to a cycle of emotional distress.

Sun Tzu's Art of War Strategy Against Toxic People

Here are Sun Tzu's wise words on preventing being "attacked" by a toxic person.

It is a business of the general to be calm and mysterious; upright and just, and thus maintain order.

Remaining calm and composed indicates that you have control over your emotions and your life. Toxic individuals typically avoid those who do not react to their toxic behavior.

Being mysterious means others cannot predict your intentions and plans. Toxic people cannot disrupt your plans because they don't know what to target.

According to Sun Tzu, being upright and just involves being firm and strong in your stance and actions. This projects confidence, strength, and power. Toxic individuals generally avoid confronting such people.

This quote from The Art of War by Sun Tzu outlines the qualities a leader should exhibit.

Be a leader of your life and get rid of toxic people.

Discover more about The Art of War.